What If Men Aren't the Problem?

The uncomfortable truth at the heart of feminine awakening.

What if men aren’t the problem?

Radical, right?

And in an era where women are awakening and many are filled with rage (understandably so - I would even argue that this rage is necessary in many instances), getting on my soapbox and telling women to stop blaming men can feel tone-deaf.

But I implore you to sit with this for a moment.

A patriarchal system has been pretty catastrophic for humanity and society - this is true. And women are increasingly coming to understand that a collective feminine awakening is necessary if harmony is ever to be restored. But as I’ve spoken about countless times and in many different ways, a woman fully stepping into her sovereignty and inner authority calls for radical self-responsibility. And I feel like a lot of the rage arising is hugely misdirected. We talk about women being the root, the source of creation, the origin. Yet while, for some, this simply serves as a huge ego boost and seeming permission to shit on men, it actually highlights - exposes, even - something far more confronting. If women are the source, then we must also be willing to examine how we have participated in our own disempowerment.

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A woman cannot step into her power if she refuses to take radical responsibility for herself and her life - no exceptions. This means we have to take full accountability for the ways we’ve allowed our power to be stripped from us, outsourced, abandoned, or forgotten. Of course, this is a hard pill for many to swallow. But there is no true embodiment of your inner power if you refuse to do so.

Recently, I asked a question on Threads: *What do you think is the biggest threat to feminine sovereignty today?* And many women immediately answered, “patriarchy” or “men.” Again, this is understandable. But what if the real threat is women’s refusal to accept and awaken to their power?

Now, I do want to say that shifting where we place blame has nothing to do with holding people accountable for their contributions to the downfall of the world. It’s about highlighting what is necessary for forward movement. Women have very, very real reasons to be angry at men right now, and there are absolutely individuals, institutions, and systems that should be held accountable for the harm they have caused. But we must also be honest about our own participation and what it actually takes for our realities to change. Accountability and self-responsibility are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they are both required.

As women, we have to dig deeper for our own sakes. Continuing to separate ourselves from what we claim to be the source of is hugely contradictory and worthy of examination.

And perhaps even more importantly, patriarchy is not synonymous with men. Patriarchal systems have undoubtedly harmed women, but they have also stunted men in their evolution. They have disconnected men from their emotional depth, their intuition, their relational intelligence, and many aspects of their humanity. Patriarchy is not men. It is a system. A structure. A distortion. Many men are suffering under it too, which is precisely why reducing the conversation to “men versus women” misses the point entirely.

We hold immense power, which means we need to awaken to our inner authority and act on it - even when it’s scary. Even when it feels like we’re alone. Even when uncertainty is thick and painfully uncomfortable. Being offended by the idea of taking responsibility for having given away your power does not change the fact that you’re the only one who can retrieve it.

I invite you to ask yourself: Why would a system designed to diminish everything sacred - and whose survival depends upon the subjugation of women - suddenly hand over power?

You wouldn’t talk a toddler out of doing something dangerous when they’re adamant about achieving a goal that, in their little toddler brain, seems perfectly reasonable. You wouldn’t stand there reasoning with the two-year-old who wants to eat a bar of soap, pleading with them while they take huge bites out of it. No. As the parent, you assume complete control of the situation and remove the soap from their hands - even with the inevitable meltdown. And you do this not only because they obviously don’t know any better, but because it is also so obviously within your power. You don’t stop to wonder whether you have the authority to intervene. You don’t debate whether you’re allowed. You simply act, because it’s urgent.

The patriarchy is a toddler that has been allowed to run rampant for far too long. And the soap is our power. The soap itself isn’t innately dangerous - in fact it can be very beneficial to our cleanliness. The danger lies in the way it is being used. And instead of standing firm in the face of its kicking and screaming handler, many women have rendered themselves powerless by forgetting who they are.

There is no reasoning with patriarchy. The system - harming both women and men alike - is designed in a particular way, but it is women reclaiming their inner authority, not asking for power but taking it back, that causes the system to weaken. Women being asleep is what allows it to thrive. Women waking up is what will cause it to crumble. Which also means that searching for somewhere external to place blame becomes largely irrelevant - an incredible waste of energy.

Everybody benefits when the feminine is honoured. A feminine awakening is not patriarchy in reverse. It is not female domination. It is not revenge. It is wholeness restored within all beings.

Can harmony and feminine power be restored? Yes. But the shift must be initiated from the inside out. The moment women stop waiting for permission, stop outsourcing authority, and remember the power that has always been theirs, the restoration begins.

I’m Olivia Grant, creator of She Is The Religion - a consciousness-expanding ecosystem devoted to feminine sovereignty, self-deification, beauty, power, and the remembrance of the woman within. My work explores spirituality, identity, feminine awakening, and self-authority in an era of collective transformation. Explore my signature 14-portal initiation.